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advice on mixed signals from a Bumble match

Matched with this dude on bumble like 5 months ago and I had no interest in really pursuing anything because I found out he didn’t live in the area and actually across the country, but he kept trying to pursue me and give me words of affirmation and was just very sweet. I’m not gonna lie, I fucking loved the attention and hype. He told me I was the only one he was talking to and that anytime he got a message from me, it made his day and he smiled. We talked every single day and he would always wish me a good morning and night which is like so little, but the littlest of things were such a fucking turn on. We ended up turning things virtual like sexting before we ever met and then we finally met up like a month after talking and it was pretty cool and fun. Then like a month later, he visited like 3 hours away but I was busy, and couldn’t just drop everything and drive up to meet with him. He just kinda started to become distant and one worded so I felt like the roles were switched between us with me now texting or snapping everyday and him just responding. Then he got good again like a month later and actually confessed he liked me, but then became distant again. I was getting irritated of this and I told him that that I was getting annoyed and he said don’t get annoyed and started to communicate again. Then just for “fun”, I checked my bumble app again and this dude had his fucking bio changed!!!! (Multiple times I might add) After telling me that I was the only one he was talking to. I finally confronted him over the phone this past week and he said it’s not me and that he is being distant with everyone in his life and to still consistently send him snaps and texts. (I actually have not been sending him any snaps or texts and have given him his “space”). I just don’t know what to fucking do at this point because he told me this last week he doesn’t want anything and he isn’t looking for anything, which is opposite to what he told me like 5 months ago. I’m trying to honestly get over him even though he told me to keep sending him snaps and texts (though he doesn’t even respond to my snaps anymore like what the fuuuuuck) and it’s hard because i keep trying to resist the urge to snap him something in my daily life because I have been so accustomed to him and showing him my life everyday. This is just hard and I just wanted to express this anonymously because I haven’t been able to express this to anyone in all honesty. I just want to know what I should do about this because I feel like I am not appreciated the way that I should be or was in the beginning with him and the way that I hype him up and try to uplift his thoughts everyday and be positive. Any advice is welcome and I apologize this is sooo long!! Thank you in advance! 

Thank you for making this long! I love details and LOTS OF THEM. I need to feel like I, too, am part of your relationship. This was perfect. Never apologize.

I want to share with you something that changed my outlook on dating. It’s so cliche, and it’s so simple, yet it’s always true. Always. I might fuck up the quote, but here it goes:

You’ll know if they’re interested in you. If you’re confused, they don’t.

I don’t know. Something like that.

Anyway, I spent 23 years of my life (my first crush was at 4, so I guess technically… 19 years?) being confused in the dating scene. In high school, a guy only wanted to text and not hang out in person. Confused. In college, a guy constantly flirted with me in person, but wouldn’t text me. Confused. Last year, a guy who I thought really liked me based on our first date just didn’t do either. Confused.

You see a common theme here?

No matter how much someone texts you or flirts with you or seemingly pursues you, if you’re confused, there’s a 99.9999 percent chance they just aren’t invested.

Merriam-Webster defines mixed signals as “a showing of thoughts or feelings that are very different from each other.” 

Yes, he’s telling you you’re the only one. But he’s active on Bumble. Yes, he told you to keep communicating with him. But he won’t reciprocate. Yes, he’s giving you attention. But only when it’s convenient for him.

He’s sus. I don’t know the circumstances in which you guys matched on Bumble, but my gut is telling me if he frequently travels to different cities, which it sounds like he does, then this is common for him. 

I’m willing to bet money you’re not the only person he’s talking to long distance.

This guy’s just bored and horny. Which, same. But if you are already in your feelings about him, I would cut it off.

If you’re able to separate this idealistic version of him that you have in your head from who he actually is, I don’t see a problem in continuing to message him. Like I said, bored and horny. We’re all feeling it. But please be honest with yourself and don’t continue to have him in your life if you’re going to want something more.

Submit your anonymous questions/stories here.

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