first date – spill ur tea

So my therapist pointed out that I’m apparently too mature for my own good and find dating trivial. While she didn’t have to read me for filth like that, she’s not wrong. Honestly I don’t like the idea of dating and would rather just jump into a relationship but obviously that’s not going to happen. Any tips?
ALSO (a 2 parter sorry) there’s this TikTok guy who’s adorable and lives in the city and I’d like to get to know him but due to my anti dating predicament and having the “slide into the dm’s” skills of an 84 year old with a Nokia 3310, I’m at a loss.

Thank you for your question! First of all, I LOVE a therapist who tells it like it is. Once mine told me I was incredibly self-aware after I just finished dragging myself. Queen shxt!

Anyway, I love this question. I think there are so many different components that come into play when it comes to dating, which is why it can seem like, well, a nightmare to a lot of people.

There’s the whole meeting with someone new. And the potential rejection. And the ~game~ of it all. Dating doesn’t seem too inviting considering the way most of us do it now is over an app that judges people in seconds based on a couple photos and a 150-word bio.

I get it’s not ideal (for most… I, however, love the drama), especially in times like this. I would start by asking yourself what exactly about dating is it that you don’t like? Is there anyway you’re able to bypass that part all together?

For example, say you hate having to swipe through the apps and message a bunch of people. I won’t act like apps aren’t (unfortunately) almost necessary for dating, especially during quarantine right now, but you don’t have to be on multiple ones or ones that force you to continuously scroll. Hinge could be a good option since people’s profiles give more of a look into who they are, and if you really didn’t want to, you don’t have to swipe through people and can instead wait for them to like you.

Plus, I would make it clear that you’re looking for a relationship, if that’s what you want. I know when I was still single, I didn’t necessarily want a relationship at the time, so I talked to way more people just because I was bored and wanted to, not because I liked them. You’ll get to avoid a lot of the games and waste-of-time aspect of dating if you decide on what you want and date with intention.

Okay, onto TikTok guy. Let me just say: I LOVE this. I’m very pro-sliding into the DMs, since that’s how my boyfriend and I first started talking. I remember saying, “FUCK IT!” and messaging him on Twitter that I had a dream we were in love, then immediately putting my phone facedown on the table and not checking it for 30 minutes because I was SCARED. It’s terrifying, yes, but my philosophy on making the first move is you’ll either get a reply or you won’t. And if you don’t, you’re already not getting a reply by not messaging anyway, so there’s no harm.

The fact that you both live in the same city makes it even easier to make that initial contact. Do you have anything in common, whether it’s friends or your profession or interests? Just message him something that you both can relate on. If you can’t think of anything, you could message him a question about one of his TikToks just to get a conversation going.

Good luck with everything! Hey, maybe you two can create one of those “AND IT WENT LIKE” relationship TikToks in the future!!!!! I’m excited to one day see it on my For You page.

Submit your anonymous questions/stories here.

Found out the guy I met virtually during quarantine is not circumcised. I don’t know what to do now, but I know it’s safer if they are and I’m not very comfortable with that!

Thank you for submitting this question! I got some new questions from going ~viral~ on Twitter (okay, only two), but it’s given me that push I needed to write.

Sure, being stuck on my toilet because of a UTI and avoiding writing something I’m on assignment for has helped too, but whatever!!!!

Okay, uncircumcised pernises. Let’s get into it.

First of all, unfortunately, this question is even a question asked because of our lack of sex education growing up. I don’t blame you at all for asking it — I’ve been very open (too open?) about the fact that I had no idea what a penis even looked like until I was 20.

If we got proper sex education, we would know how normal and common uncircumcised penises really are. According to this study, it’s estimated that only 37 to 39 percent “of men globally are circumcised”. In the United States, “about 60 percent of boys” are circumcised at birth, per Planned Parenthood.

The only true difference between circumcised and uncircumcised penises? Some skin.

There’s a lot of misconception and flaws in research that have given uncircumcised penises a bad rep. Darcia Narvaez, Ph.D. can explain it a lot better than I can in her article here.

Of course, people with uncircumcised penises can come into trouble without proper hygiene, but couldn’t you say the same for anyone?

As for just the ~aesthetics~ and inner workings of it all, uncircumcised penises function exactly the same as circumcised penises. When you’re going to have sex with someone with an uncircumcised penis, nothing is different, I promise!

Wow, I never thought I would say uncircumcised penis so much in one post. UNCIRCUMCISED PENIS. Okay, I’m done.

I’ll leave you with this: My boyfriend is uncircumcised, and sex is still 11/10.